I had another tutorial with Fritha today which was useful as I got feedback on the work I have been making recently. I feel that both the fog and the puppet piece could be developed and are not quite finished yet. I also participated in the performance workshop today which was again great as I got an insight into how my works are perceived. I like showing  my work without context. It promotes more discussions and ides which I myself might not have though of. 

Recently there has been a lot of fog surrounding the house which has now become quite claustrophobic. I am constantly being surrounded by white walls of nothingness - I now feel more boxed in than ever. It could be fun to make a performance piece incorporating the mist. The half-unseen forms which emerge through smoke screens...

I recently found two puppets lying around the house which I thought could be fun to do something with - physical manifestations of the online avatars I have been creating. I control their every action, the way they are perceived. 

Using the imagery above I have proceeded to bring the puppet into the digital sphere and I am currently trying to find a way of animating the character through digital means. I feel as though I have more freedom manipulating the puppet on my computer than in real life. I can give it personality through audio and visual effects...

Today we had a performance workshop with Fritha which was really exciting as we all got to share and talk about each others work. Seeing how others are responding to these strange times is interesting as we are all dealing with it in our own way. Everybody is being affected but to varying degrees. I was glad however that most of the people on the group call at least seemed well. Constraints lead to new things…

The feedback I got from one person was how much the slow zoom of my video piece affected his sense of time - when combined with the fast pace of the video as well as the eerie music. “Hypnotic”. Another talked about what a big role light plays in the perception of the piece - being able to change the space completely. 

I had my tutorial with Fritha today. It was nice to talk to her again. It made me realise how I miss being in the studio - being around people. It was interesting to notice my video work was perceived and what ideas it induced. My tutor mentioned how they were thought that the movement or the forms were digital at first but as the share gradually enlarges they realised how it was “real” / physical.  “flipping in and out of the digital”. 

Over the break I began making use of the bits of organic matter I collected in the forest. Attaching swerving sticks together I began making forms with I thought were interesting. I decided to make a work which would stand on its own and remain unobtrusive with its surroundings. Using yarn I further strengthened my structure which now stands freely. I have been watching how it reacts to its surroundings for a couple of days now. It has been rather windy up here in the mountains and my structure remains standing. The wind promotes a sort of movement in my structure which I enjoy as it is seemingly organic - the way a tree or some other organic matter might move. 

Today I was working with photos I have taken of the structure in photoshop - warping and mutating what was originally in complete harmony with the natural environment. I am fascinated by how technology allows us to do this - exaggerate visual information to the point  of absurdity. However I also recognise the freedom that comes with the transformation of the physical to the digital. 

I want to create a performance piece. I’m starting to feel stuck - concentrating only on what I am making digitally. I’m getting sick of having to find meaning in the code. What I’m noticing in these times is how truly fragile we are - how quickly our structures which uphold our sanity and normality can come crashing down. I had thought about locking myself in my room in order to provoke some sort of imaginative spark but why force myself to be more isolated than I already am. 

It seems that I am now more interconnected with technology than I have ever been before. When starting this project I believe I at least had some form of outsider perspective which would allow me to explore and view the digital sphere with clarity. I am now however knee deep in that which I was trying to stay separate. 

There is a room in this house which I have become drawn to. It has black walls and a sauna from which coloured lights fluctuate. When viewed with a camera in the right angle it almost looks like a box. I think this will be the setting for my piece. I enjoy the quiet of this room. The lack of the sensory overload I experience through my screen fades away in here. The shifting lights become hypnotic - a serene calm. 

I want dance to be incorporated in this piece - the thing which connects me to everything else. The vibration. It’s fascinating to notice how you can numb yourself with internet overload. 

As the days pass non-doing has become routine. Everyday I wake up at the same time, me and my friend repeat the same dialogue, eat the same food…

I have found a bunch of stuffed animals which I think could be fun to use in my video piece. The promise of the soft and cuddly - dogs and bear which are not really dogs and bears but bags of stuffing. I view stuffed animals the same way I view the digital worlds I have come to know. Empty promises of some sort of human fulfilment which is never never truly satisfied because, in the end, it’s not as real as the real thing. 

The distance from the digital I though I needed might not be quite as useful or as crucial as being in the middle of it all. It seems to be a lot easier to respond instinctually instead of intellectualising the faintest hint feeling from afar. 

I am extremely unsure of how to proceed with my project seeing as the park project will most likely not be happening. I could continue to delve into the exploration of digital worlds. I think that is my best option for now. After talking with my tutor during my progress tutorial last week I now need to figure out some way in which tonsuring my characters in the ‘real’ dimension. Find some program which would let me play with augmented realty. 

Having left London I am now in the countryside and so perhaps I could make use of the materials available here. Rethinking my approach to this project is harder than expected. Perhaps I should just get on with making and playing with physical material? It could be interesting to do some form in performance piece in which one sees both me and my created creatures existing on the same plane - interacting…

Today I began playing with sound - how music and frequency greatly effects how my digital works are perceived. There is a certain intensity and movement one can achieve by using techo music. The endless repetition of arguably dystopian waves. Whats the attraction? A willingness to lose control -  escape the enforced sanity of social structure?

 I still have yet to make anything physical. I feel stuck. I am only now truly starting to appreciate how useful dialogue with my peers and tutors in my practice. Being in quarantine has made aware of how much we need social interaction to function normally. Something really interesting has happened now though where people are socialising though FaceTime and Skype. Perhaps the virtual worlds play an even greater importance in these times where physical interaction is not possible. 

Today I began working in the metal workshop - talking with the technician to try and begin explaining my idea. I am starting to realise how expensive this project might be. I then began making a small model of my sculpture - welding rods together and twisting in order to achieve their swirling movement I want my work to communicate. I need to find some way to make sure my sculpture stays grounded. 

The real impact workshop today was all about Anthropocene and the impact we artists can make. The discussions which began happening were thought-provoking. They really got me thinking about the impact my work could have (whether positive or negative...). I guess there exists a danger when a single artist communicates their vision/ message as apposed to a collective of artists. I have realised that it could be extremely helpful and exciting to work with people from different fields - such as scientists. You get more opinions and voices which, in turn, evolves your projects for the better.

There is something really alluring about the idea of making work which is only going to be viewed in the distant future.... 

Working in the library - I have begun exploring the notion of cybernetic kinetic sculptures. I would be extremely exciting to make such a sculpture for the park project, however I know that presently I lack the technical skill to do so. 

I have begun making quick visualisations of various ideas for sculptures for the park and it seems that colour might play a key role. There is something attractive about the notion of merging the organic with the digital. Representative of new life through digital means - how we have come to a point where the two are inseparable.  

My PPP is finally finished. 

I’m creating a virtual loop. A space which in some ways could be classified as non existent. You see what’s happening - an absurd scene of nonsensical doing. In many ways it represents my annoyance with the zombie-like manner in which we live our lives. Passively looping and repeating. Stuck on our endless routines. Living in our own bubbles. Each character is doing something different - different aspects of reality.  We are looking in on their world as we live our own. Not in a virtual world but a physical one.

I need to find a way to tie this to physical existence. Some manner  in which I could represent this physically. Some structure which converts the energy of our world into theirs. (Way in which you can physically see the conversion).

It’s a saddening scene - I want people to reflect on their own lives. Find a way to break the patterns. The longer you look at it the more bored you get. You start to realize how the whole thing is hopelessly looped.

20.02.20

I keep coming back to this notion of dancing. It's a participatory action which has no other purpose than pure enjoyment. If vibration and movement is at the core of existence then this form of expression is a means of feeling a connection to that. Feeling a connection to the sensory universe. The video below frustrates me as it is obviously extremely staged - people forced to dance and smile. The exact opposite of the freedom dancing is supposed to represent... The uncomfortable absurdity becomes humorous. I think I could use this absurdity in my own work as a means of achieving a more evocative response.

The manner in which sculptures exist in the physical space could in itself evidence the tangible reality. How am I going to express the notion of a dual reality? Perhaps through subversion, and manipulation? 

18.02.20 

I have now begun to refine my project proposal. I intent to explore the tangibility of reality - which after all is what anchors us to what we perceive the true reality to be. Virtual worlds aren't "real" because they are not physical (in most people's opinion). What about those people whose lives are lived mainly in these digital worlds? The more I research the less I find the said statement to be true. Perhaps, in order to connect with a bigger audience and community, the use of digital mediums might be more impactful...